The things that left unsaid

 If I could go back in time, I would walk into Sophos and I will listen. I would then tell you how I feel about you, how I've loved you.

Weeks after that last meeting, my fiancée at the time once talked about you (not knowing your name and yet recognizing the existence of a shadow between us), and I sat there frozen, realizing how transparent I was.

Only months after that I ended the engagement. I just couldn't marry him for the simple reason that he wasn't you.

Yes, I was a coward. I was so afraid that you would once again say you did not love me. I was afraid to lose whatever small crumble I had left from you. It's frustrating to know that one conversation would have changed so much. In truth those little moments are the game changers, and yet we never recognize seem until they're gone. 

I love you. You make me angry. You make me feel vulnerable. I've exposed myself to you, answering any kind of question and yet it just wasn't enough for you to see me.

All this fear of you, make me create a tough persona around you. This "I won't let you hurt me anymore" persona that is not me.

I've hurt myself for too long, and now I'm just exhausted. I just can't do this anymore.