VAME

 He was a beautiful little boy that was tarnished by his father. Hunted by an obsessive woman and destroyed by his vices. He was my father. Looking back I do feel that his life was poetic. He was keen on buying his own grave and plating flowers in it. He loved to visit the cemetery to check it (years before his passing). He was loved. I adored my father, I was like his tail following him around. He was the first man that broke my heart, and all I can say is that I never could put it back together again. I love him and his passing gave me peace because he was evil, he carried too much darkness deep inside so much. No soul can carry such a heavy burden, no soul should. I pray that the Lord might greet him and hold him. May his soul return to Source and there, may it continue its path to evolution. There he will be loved and cured.

The things that left unsaid

 If I could go back in time, I would walk into Sophos and I will listen. I would then tell you how I feel about you, how I've loved you.

Weeks after that last meeting, my fiancée at the time once talked about you (not knowing your name and yet recognizing the existence of a shadow between us), and I sat there frozen, realizing how transparent I was.

Only months after that I ended the engagement. I just couldn't marry him for the simple reason that he wasn't you.

Yes, I was a coward. I was so afraid that you would once again say you did not love me. I was afraid to lose whatever small crumble I had left from you. It's frustrating to know that one conversation would have changed so much. In truth those little moments are the game changers, and yet we never recognize seem until they're gone. 

I love you. You make me angry. You make me feel vulnerable. I've exposed myself to you, answering any kind of question and yet it just wasn't enough for you to see me.

All this fear of you, make me create a tough persona around you. This "I won't let you hurt me anymore" persona that is not me.

I've hurt myself for too long, and now I'm just exhausted. I just can't do this anymore.

decir lo que nunca he dicho

 palabras que nunca serán dichas, son palabras muertas

aquellas que no sobreviven más allá de nuestra garganta

son las historias que nunca fueron fuera de nuestra mente

son los cuentos que no cuentas, que solo sientes

son los fetos muertos de una pasión

son los hijos de la cobardía

esta es la eterna fuga: el silencio

y de nuevo, la misma conversación que nunca fue

la misma pared en medio del camino

y de nuevo, la misma conversación que nunca fue

aquella que resolvería todo lo nunca dicho

más palabras perecen en mi lengua