Now I see...

Love hit me on the face hard and I was so blind.  I was blinded by my selfishness.  Now I know that I was loved, I just wasn't loved as I wanted to be loved and as the spoiled immature child that I am, I made a tantrum.

I shunned love, just because it didn't looked that it supposed to.

I beg forgiveness to all those man I hurt (my father included), because all my inner turmoil and confusion has hurt them.. many men and some women included. 

I was loved.  Loved knocked on my door several times actually and I could not tell what it was.  I was so scared and I shielded myself behind my pain.

I am thankful for the loss, for what I lost... because it took all that to find myself.