...

For almost half of my life I´ve been running from this feeling, I can run no longer. I wish I could strip down and leave this armor behind, somehow it has shrunk or maybe I've outgrown it.

Humbly I reach to thee my Lord... teach me how to take off this armor and still be strong, how to love pass my fear of rejection and how to open myself without being invaded. Teach me.

Now I see...

Love hit me on the face hard and I was so blind.  I was blinded by my selfishness.  Now I know that I was loved, I just wasn't loved as I wanted to be loved and as the spoiled immature child that I am, I made a tantrum.

I shunned love, just because it didn't looked that it supposed to.

I beg forgiveness to all those man I hurt (my father included), because all my inner turmoil and confusion has hurt them.. many men and some women included. 

I was loved.  Loved knocked on my door several times actually and I could not tell what it was.  I was so scared and I shielded myself behind my pain.

I am thankful for the loss, for what I lost... because it took all that to find myself.

mariposas

Over here, when we let go, we say "to open one's hands".  So here it is: I OPEN MY HANDS. I let go.  See I've thought about this, this and this.  By this I mean, "to open one's hands" is to release. This is this, because I love you, I do this.  Because I love you I cannot hold you hostage. Because I love you I hope that you may find happiness... I hope that you may be happy.